Biology Insults

1. "Stick that in your thylakoid disk and photosynthesize it".

2.

Well, that's one, anyway.  Use it the next time some smug, supercilious specimen of plant life offends decent people everywhere with its insufferable autotrophic boasts.  Autotrophs, are you? You can create your own food out of nothing, can you?  So if I just switch off the sun, and then take away your CO2 producers, you'll still be as green as the day you sprouted, will you?  Let me know what your ficus has to say to that.  Nothing, that's what it has to say.  As it sits there, rooted in its soil, speechless in the face of the hard truth you've just laid on it, that's when you say "so stick that in your thylakoid disk and photosynthesize it,"  Then tell it it reminds you of some algae that used to grow in your pool.  BURN!

Well, maybe you don't want to descend to that level.  (Not that I'm worried about the plant's feelings. That ficus is no better than algae, and I can tell you that I'd sooner associate with some decent algae I've met than with some of the trash I see at the plant nursery.)  But if you have your own pool, do you need to tell the whole damn world about it?  Tone it down, One Percent.

Double-Stranded

That's apropos of absolutely nothing other than molecular biology, a subject for which I have no aptitude. As I (halfheartedly, haphazardly, and reluctantly) studied, I thought that "Double-Stranded" would make a funny funny post title.  It only works, though, if I can tie a sharply witty observation to a biological principle.  But I can't. So I won't. Years of grueling study, and I'm still slow on the uptake.  It's probably genetic.

Free Advice

Before researching treatment and surgery options for the cataracts that you're certain you have, maybe take out your contact lenses and clean them.

The Taking up of Space Which I Require for Other Purposes

Q: Exactly how many containers of flour, confectioners' sugar, and bread crumbs do you need?
A: Far fewer than I seem to have.

Q: Why would you EVER embark on a kitchen-cabinet-cleaning-out project?
A: (deep, deep sigh).

Higher Education and Suits in Chancery

I'm studying Biology now.  I've spent about 30 minutes distracting myself online, and now I have to update my blog (because my reading public, left hanging since mid-December, anxiously awaits a new installment) and then I'll fold the clothes in the dryer and maybe run the vacuum, so that after a full 70 or so minutes of thinking about preparing to study, I'll have actually begun to study.

Full disclosure: I abandoned that last paragraph in mid-sentence, studied for a while, did who even knows what else, and then returned to finish this post about 8 hours later.  Adult ADD is no joke.  This is why it has taken me 27 years (which, in fairness, includes a 20-year total hiatus) to finish my undergraduate degree.  But finish I shall, in about 3 months.  I'll take the CLEP Biology exam in February, then I'll take my very last class.  This is official; my adviser has confirmed that I correctly interpreted my most recent degree audit and that I'm really and truly almost done.

I'm reading Bleak House now.  I don't know if Jarndyce vs. Jarndyce will ever settle but I know now that at least some things come to an end.  I'm just not sure what I'll do when it does.

(Full diclosure #2: I went back to read a post from my old blog and found a tag that, when I wrote it, made me laugh myself silly.  Having forgotten about it for 3 years and seeing it again, I laughed just as hard.  At least one person thinks I'm HILARIOUS.)